Abide in My Heart
Happy New Year!
This is a long post, which most won't have time to read, so here is the Bottom Line Up Front (BLUF)...
When life throws you curve balls and sitting in meditation and/or prayer is a struggle, that is when you need to sit the most. The moment of clarity may not come at that moment while you try to meditate and/or pray, but it will set your inner being up for it to come. Rest in the knowledge the Universe will hold you...you just have to ask.
Now for the longer story....
Without getting too far into the details, because they aren't really known at this time, I wanted
to share with you a bit about how the New Year started for me and a lesson on perspective.
I haven't been feeling 100% and went to the doctor back in early December. The lab results weren't good and the PCM failed to note them in early December. On the Friday, before the doctor offices were closed for the weekend I got an email with the lab results and a note that I was being sent over for a specialist referral. Needless to say, that wasn't a lot of information, and it left me in Google search hell. Even though I kept trying to tell myself to relax, the Universe had this and I would be okay. When I woke up on NYE and was pouring my first cup of coffee (I drink two each morning and then water the rest of the day), I was surprised to see a Bethesda number show up on my phone. And downright shocked when it was a physician specialist calling me to tell me I had to go the hospital immediately. The short of this story is, I spent NYE in the ER. Not where I wanted to be, not how I had envisioned bringing in the New Year. No champagne toasts. No kiss at the stroke of midnight (I was asleep).
The following morning, the first morning of 2019, I woke up grumpy and in a negative headspace. I tried to meditate, but my mind struggled with focus. I tried pranayama (breath work), and my breath was staggered and didn't want to smooth. After about 15 minutes I said my ending prayers and got up to get about my day.
It was a beautiful day outside and Mike and I were headed to the beach for a long walk and seashell hunt. And yes, I was still grumpy about my "bad" NYE.
As I got dressed the "aha" moment happened. The moment I had hoped to have in meditation and prayer. The moment where the grumpy cloud would lift to a more positive outlook....that I teach. The moment that would not have happened if I hadn't taken time to set in meditation and prayer earlier...even though it was a struggle.
Suddenly a wash of thankfulness. Because, although the labs are getting worse, there were able to rule out many very serious illnesses as the cause. Resolving many of the unknowns which took a huge weight off my shoulders.
I now sit in thankfulness.
Thankful for a young doctor at Bethesda who wouldn't take no for an answer and got me seen in SC and who took the time to call ahead to ensure all the labs were ordered. This resulted in me being seen fairly quickly and somehow I had a private room in an ER that was full and had many patients in the hallway.
Thankful for an ER doctor at Grand Strand Medical Center. Although the ER was full he took the time to do a thorough review. He even used my phone and called the doctor at Bethesda (who actually answers his calls!) to plan my care going forward.
Thankful to coordinator at Tricare who stuck with me when my PCM didn't want to do a referral to the ER and ensured my care was secured (now I hope they pay the bill--lol).
Thankful to coordinator at Tricare, who this morning helped me change my PCM to one in SC.
Thankful that the new PCM who doesn't have an appointment until Feb will see me tomorrow.
Lesson learned....even when life is throwing you curve balls and it is tough to sit and meditate, tough to read your spiritual book(s), tough to pray....try to do these things anyway. They will lead you to your break through, your aha moment, that will carry you through the tough times.
2019 My resolution and goal are to abide in my heart.
Namaste, my friends.