Debunking a Transition Myth

Myth: You should say “yes.” 

Truth: You can say “no.”

The word “yes” is baked into our culture. In American culture, saying “yes” is deeply tied to the values of optimism, opportunity, and seizing the moment. It is also considered polite and sociable. There is even a TikTok challenge to say “yes” to everyone for 30 days, inspired by the 2008 movie Yes Man.

This is especially true when you are in the midst of a career transition and looking forward to your next chapter. There is a tendency to say “yes” to the first offer or the highest offer, rather than taking time to consider whether it is what you truly want to do.

When I was transitioning out of the military, I felt strong internal pressure to find the right next chapter. Serving in the military was deeply meaningful to me and fulfilled my desire to serve my country. But as I left, I didn’t know what was next or how I would find meaning in work outside the government. This was especially difficult when a company had been calling me for weeks, insisting I say yes to a job they wanted to offer me.

Here are some questions to consider if you are in transition.

·      What do I actually need financially to be comfortable and meet my financial goals?

·      What are my values and priorities?

·      What would I want my workday to look like?

·      What do I not want in my workday?

When you know the answers to these questions, you can know what you want, and you can ask for it. Or if the answers aren’t in alignment, you can say “no, thank you.”

 In the end, knowing the answers to these four questions enabled me to accept the job the company was offering me, but on terms I negotiated rather than the original offer.