No Big Girl Panties

Thanksgiving week – you know, the week you pull up to the table, put on the big-girl panties, and say you are thankful.

But here is a fact: sometimes life throws you lemons. You know, the unexpected stuff that hurts and makes life feel really hard.

And what is even worse is when you are pushed to be positive or thankful in the midst of hurting.

This “be thankful,” “it is for a reason,” or “find the silver lining” gets emphasized even more during the holidays, especially Thanksgiving, when everyone is encouraged to sit in a group and share what they are thankful for. There is nothing wrong with this on the surface, but it can also be shame in disguise. 

Recently, life handed me a bag of lemons. My service dog was hurt with an 8–16 week recovery period. My big vacation for the year has been canceled, as has time with family.  This was a gut punch on many levels.

I was grateful that Violet’s injury didn’t happen while I was gone, but I was still not okay. Violet was not OK.  

Those emotions needed space to be felt rather than hidden away. For me, that meant taking long, silent walks while Mike watched Violet, doing slow yoga, and practicing meditation. At one point, I laid down in Savasana, just watching my breathing. All of this was so I could create space to feel, cry, and work through what I was experiencing.

This is not a wallowing in victimhood. This isn't toxic positivity because the hard stuff isn’t what we “should” be feeling. This is processing real emotions and making room for healing. Because you can’t heal a broken bone without the bone being set, you also can’t heal a hurt heart by not giving it time to reset.

Finally, a glimmer. A glimmer that felt like hope began to grow within me. Violet’s healing is progressing well. And instead of fake gratitude, I feel sincere gratitude. 

COACHING MOMENT

If you are hurting, I would like to offer a couple of suggestions to help your heart reset.

One: Set a timer for the time you have and feel what you feel. Once the timer goes off, take a few clearing breaths, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. Then move on with your day until you can once again set aside time to process how you feel because it is unlikely you'll get it all processed in one sitting. 

Two: Find a safe place to talk through what you are feeling. A friend, coach, or therapist. Somewhere that lets you process the emotions without feeling like you need to be positive.