Unpack the Box

Two weeks before I was leaving for Afghanistan for a year, my dad died. I did what any ‘good’ Airman would do: I put my emotions in a box and duck-taped them closed. Trust me, it was not a pretty site when I opened that box a few years later.

In my conversations with friends and colleagues, I have found that many of us do this so we can focus on harder tasks—or so we tell ourselves.

I am re-reading Dare to Lead by Brene´Brown, and it struck me how we embrace perfectionism, emotional stoicism, and false compartmentalization (lives and work) because we think it will keep things easy and comfortable.

In reality, it stinks. It stinks because whatever we try to avoid feeling or thinking about shuts off our hearts. And with that, we kill necessary leadership behaviors like trust, courage, innovation, creativity, accountability, and empathy.

Emotions are just energy in motion trying to tell us something. Ignoring them means we are losing information that could help us be open and free, which allows better decision-making because we make decisions with complete information.

I thought putting my sadness in the box was brave. I believed gutting it out and not crying was what was expected. In reality, acknowledging to myself and others how hard and sad it was to lose my dad would have taken courage. This courage would not have left me with a stinky box that got unpacked many years later.

I have to wonder, how much of that stink leaked? But rumination won’t help either. So, instead, being brave forward means recognizing that boxes are for moving things and not hiding from my emotions.

Questions to consider:

1.     What are you tempted to put into that box and tape shut?

2.    What would it look like to put aside the box?

I would love to hear your thoughts. If you need some help unpacking the box, please consider seeking the right path to unpack it and move towards a life that fully embraces who you are and what you feel.

Namaste, and have a great day.